How a Ventriloquist Dummy Got Puck Laid
by Mondler4EvEr
Summary: Puck is frightened by Kurt's new Dummy. He quickly learns that it has its good qualities. Full title is Family Treasures  or How a Ventriloquist Dummy Got Puck Laid .


**Title: **Family Treasures (or How a Ventriloquist Dummy Got Puck Laid)

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing/Characters: **Puck/Kurt

**Summary: **Puck is frightened by Kurt's new Dummy. He quickly learns that it has it good qualities.

**Word Count: **587

**Warnings: **If ventriloquist dummies freak you out, then don't read. :/

**Notes: **I was watching the episode of Goosebumps titled "The Night of the Living Dummy" and everyone should know that Slappy is one of R.L Stein's classic characters. Plus he's still scary as hell after all of these years. I also got inspired by that one Puck/Kurt story based off of Big Wolf on Campus. :)

This is just silly. :/

"What the fuck is that?" Puck shouted.

"Language, Noah." Kurt said, scowling at his boyfriend. "My dad's right upstairs and you know that he loves to find any excuse to kick you out of the house."

Puck rolled his eyes. "You're dad's too busy creaming over the _Deadliest Catch _marathon to worry about my language."

Kurt just gave him a look that kindly said _"shut the hell up before I kick you out myself."_

Puck chose to ignore the boy and to continue with what he was saying. "What the _hell _is that?" He said, pointing behind Kurt.

Kurt turned his head to see what captured his boyfriend's attention and chuckled when he saw what it was.

"It's a ventriloquist dummy, Noah. I was pretty sure that you weren't that dense." Kurt said rolling his eyes.

"Oh come on, babe. You know you didn't get with _this _because of my intelligence. It was all about the rock hard abs underneath this shirt." Puck said grinning and in turn earning a book to be thrown at him. "But seriously, why do you have it?"

"Some old relative on my dad's side sent it to me. It's apparently a family treasure or whatever." Kurt shrugged. "What? Do you like it?"

Puck's eyes went wide. "Hell no! That shit's creepy."

"Noah it is not creepy. I think it's endearing." Kurt said, smiling at the dummy. It sat perched in the corner of the room, dressed smartly (as most dummy's are). It had big, creepy wooden eyes that Puck was sure were staring right into his soul, planning his demise. Plus, the smile plastered on the dummy's face wasn't helping any matters.

Puck shuddered.

"Well you obviously haven't seen _Dead Silence, Pinocchio's Revenge _or…or that one episode of _Goosebumps_." Puck said, trying to prove his point.

Kurt frowned. "Minus _Goosebumps_, since it's a classic 90s television show that helped define a generation, I don't think that Pappy would appreciate being compared to low grade cinema."

"_Pappy_? That thing has a name?" Kurt nodded in response. "Please tell me you didn't come up with that."

"Fortunately for you I didn't. The name was on the wooden box that it came in. I mean, Dolce would have been a better name, but who am I to change it?" Kurt said. He walked over to the corner where the dummy was sitting and pat it affectionately on the head, while smiling at Puck.

"You're weird as hell." Puck said, cringing.

"But you love me anyway." Kurt smirked.

"I think that could change…"

"Noah Puckerman, if you value your good looks, you will take that back or Pappy won't be the only thing you're scared of." Kurt said in tone that made Puck terrified and turned on simultaneously.

"I take it back, ok." Puck apologized. He figured he better keep Kurt in a good mood if he wanted any help with the hard on that was coming on.

"Good, now apologize to Pappy." Kurt said pointing to the dummy, whose smile looked eviler than a few minutes ago.

"What? Why? He's just a bunch of wood. He has no feelings." Kurt was crazy if he thought that Puck was going to apologize to it.

"I know of something else that's just a bunch of wood and with very strong feelings. If you make Pappy feel better, then I will make the other bunch of wood feel better too." Kurt winked knowingly. Puck inwardly groaned.

So Puck apologized. Kurt rocked his boyfriend's world and Pappy sat in the corner peacefully, witnessing it all.


End file.
